Finding Grace

This last year has been more than interesting for me. For many of you, you’ve watched me go through the most difficult of life changes as my family fell apart. In those deep and intimate moments by myself I spent a great deal of time trying to stay afloat amongst the turmoil that threatened to take me down. I know many people have been through this and have made great life changes in these desperate times. It hasn’t been until the last few months where I have felt empowered to take things into my own hands and make positive changes. It starts with waking up with a mindset where I am kind to myself. It continues with a meditation practice that centres on asking for help to be strong and being thankful for every good thing in my life. Who would have thought that simply by acknowledging the good things in my life every day (regardless of how small they are) that I would become happier and happier each day. The effort is small but the gain is remarkable. 

Each day shows me more and more that I have a lot to be happy about. I’ve been doing really well and gaining momentum in my happiness and then that moment hits... that moment where long after everything is over, you find out why. Not only did I find out why, but I found out with whom. I found out that my gut was right all along. I found out that people don’t always say the truth and that it must be easier for someone to lie and hide things than to tell the truth to that one person who is supposed to be able to trust them the most.  In this moment, where my heart breaks not only for what I went through, but for her little kids whose family is also now been dismantled, for the other innocent people involved.  It’s in this moment where I get to decide what I do with this information. I feel angry. I feel betrayed.  I feel embarrassed that when I was sure I knew what was happening behind my back, that I chose to trust what was told to me instead of what my intuition was screaming at me. I feel a whole lot of emotions that I simply wish I didn’t have to acknowledge. 

I could be vengeful. I could let this whole thing take over my entire soul. I could flush all the healing down the toilet. I could be weak. I could collapse in disgust. I could carry anger for the rest of my life. I could do a lot of really sad and terrible things that would sabatoge the progress I’ve made with myself. That would be the easier road...

Instead, I choose to find grace. I choose to keep my meditation practice strong. I choose to practice yoga. I choose to see the happiness that’s all around me. I choose to acknowledge all the good people who have come into my life and embrace them every day.

Ultimately, I’ve decided to practice elegance in thought, in speech, in body, mind and soul.